Wednesday, November 11, 2009

39th Anniversary Sequel - The Rest of the Story!


*
Hello there Sweet Friends,
*
Wanted to say Thanks so much for all the nice
comments from yesterdays post.
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Hope you are all doing well today!
*
I have just been doing a lil cleaning today,
and as I was cleaning I got to thinking
about yesterday post and how my purpose
was to pay a tribute to my hubby and
tell how we met,  and I think I accomplished
that purpose pretty well.
*
But I felt the nudging of the Lord to tell the rest
of the story, and pay tribute to our Lord & Savior
Jesus Christ, because without Him and
His Marvelous Intervention in our lives,
I doubt very seriously we would have
made it passed the 10 year mark.
*
Go back up and take a look at my
flowers,  notice they are arranged on
a white book.......that book is a Bible.
Keep that in mind as you read on.
*
Jim and I moved to the Central Florida
area in May of 1980,  after Jim graduated
from College with his engineering degree.
For years he had worked full time and
gone to school part-time.
 That wasn't too bad until we had our son.
*
  We were now on a very tight budget
 because I had  quit my job to stay home
with the baby, just as we had planned,
 so there was no extra money for going out
just the two of us,  and we had no relatives
in town to watch the baby,  a few times
 we left him with friends but I was nursing and
everytime he took formula from a bottle
he would throw it up and cry and cry,
so we tried several types of formula
and just gave up the idea of leaving him.
*
I began to feel like a single parent,  and
of course,  most of my focus went to the
baby and the house.  Jim's focus was more
and more on his job and school,  and he
was so tired that when he came home he
just wanted to veg in front of the TV for
awhile because he then had studying to do.
I had been with a baby all day I wanted
some adult conversation, all the typical
stuff young parents go through.  We seemed
to be growing apart more and more.
*
But when Jim graduated and we decided
to move to Central Florida I thought now
things will change cause he doesn't have
to study and go to school.  We moved
and were living in a rental and had contracted
to build a new house,  which was a total
dream for us,  we never imagined that
would be possible for us,  but at the time
building a new home was actually less
expensive than buying an older home.
So we were thrilled.
*
 He had started his new job but it was about
 a 40 min.drive,  and it was long distance for me
to call him or vice versa.  I was use to him being
able to come home for lunch sometimes,  and
being able to talk with him at work if I needed
or wanted to,  I also knew what he did and
who he worked with since I had worked at
the same Company until I quit my job.
*
All of these things made me feel very distant
from him, like I didn't have a part in his life,
and the patterns of the past with the TV
and the not talking or discussing anything
seemed to follow us.
My anger and resentment grew over his not
not wanting to talk about the problems.
 I began to say mean things to him,  and
I would see the hurt look on his face,
and would think what makes you do that.
I would sit by him,  and he wouldn't say it but
 his body language said "Get away from me"
I was very hurt by that, and felt helpless to
change anything.
*
We had an arguement one evening
and I wound up sleeping on the sofa
for the 1st time in our whole married
life,  I just knew I could not go on
living like this!  I was convinced this
man did not love me at all!
*
My own parents had divorced when
I was only 3 yrs. old,  and I had no
recollection of my dad ever living
with us. In fact, everyone in my family
 was divorced, some multiple times,
  so that was the last thing I wanted was a
 divorce,  but I also knew I couldn't continue
 living with someone I felt didn't love me.
*
Jim on the other hand came from a family
where no one in his entire family was divorced,
accept one uncle,  I think it was.  Now that
did not mean that people were happily  married,
in fact,  a lot of them were miserably married.
That certainly in no way appealed to me!
*
So the next morning,  after lying awake the
whole night on the sofa when I was suppose
to be sleeping,  I brought the crisis,  and
for the first time ever,  I used the D word.
*
That got his attention,  finally!!
I could see on his face that what I had
been thinking about him not loving me
was just not true!  For the first time
ever in our marriage we finally really
talked about our relationship.  We
decided that we needed to go back
to church and get serious with the
Lord or we were not gonna make it.
*
As we talked,  I remembered that a
girl at a model home had invited me to
a church in the community center
where we live,  so we decided we
were gonna go that Sunday,  and
we did,  and we have been going
to that same church for 29 yrs. now.
*
When Jim and I got married we were
both Christians,  but very ignorant as
a stone Christians,  we knew nothing
about the word of God really!
*
So we began attending this Christian
Missionary Alliance Church and
God started putting people in our
path,  books in our hand,  gave us
Christian friends to encourage us and
taught us by going to Sunday School
 classes on marriage,  parenting and
finances and just teaching on the word
of God. We had a wonderful Pastor
who was a great bible teacher and
counselor.  Although we probably
needed marriage counseling we never
did get any because the Lord just
began to change our selfish hearts
and make us one.
*
 We began to understand God's
word and that we needed to practice
and do what God's word teaches,
and little by little as we began to do
that, God began to make our marraige
better and better,  and has continued
to this day.  Now we teach most of
the marriage classes at our church,
and I believe we needed to experience
what we did, so we would know how
other people feel and what they are
going through.  We have a real heart
for marriages and want to see people
not just be married, but happily
married.  I don't think it was God's
intention for us to be miserable.
If God can get 2 willing hearts,
he can change things very quickly,
but even if one person is obedient
to God's word,  God can work
in amazing ways.
*
After we started growing as Christians
that is when I started learning about
the Holy Spirit and realized that
when I met Jimmy and thought there
was something very different about
him,  it was my spirit bearing witness
with his spirit.  We had not had that teaching
  from Gods word about not being unequally
yoked,  so we never really discussed
if we were christians or not.
*
Also,  I chose to carry a bible at my
 wedding because I had Christian neighbors
that  were a huge influence in my life,  and  they are the
number one reason I am a Christian today
and they were very happily married,  and I knew they
were happy because of God and that was what I
 wanted for my marriage.  I would say God
 honored the heart desires of that 18 yr. old girl!
*
Just thought I should share this because just like
 the "thrifty Decor Chick" said in one of her posts
 last week,  sometimes you read peoples blogs and think
they have a perfect life! But there is no one who
 doesn't experience some type of problems or conflict
 in their marriage or family. Some worse than others,  True,
but no person is perfect,  therefore, no relationship is perfect,
 but if you work together it can be very very Good, 
and that is where we are now,  I am happy to say,  but we
give all the Glory to the Lord. He is Awesome!
 and we could
have never done it alone.
*
Hope that somehow this has encouraged your
heart and made you glad you know God and
the power of  His resurrection, or makes you
want to know Him,  if you don't!
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Thanks for coming by,
*
Love,  hugs, and Blessings,
Nellie



5 comments:

Bonnie said...

Nellie, this is a great post filled with so much truth. No relationship is completely perfect and many times they don't even come close. It is my belief that marriages cycle and grow as the people in them change and grow as individuals. There have been moments when I thought I could not endure marriage another minute and others that I cannot even tell where Jim begins and I end. We have been married 41.5 years and knew each other and dated 4 years before we got married. We were babies and we had a lot of growing up to do.

We had a lot of growing pains, not unlike yours. But we were committed and we loved each other so we kept trying. About 10 years into our marriage we joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints became active members. And since that time things have steadily improved and blossomed. The gospel of Jesus Christ gave us a common operating system, joint expectations and goals and hope. We would not be married today if it were not for Him. Through Christ we have learned that with God nothing is impossible and we live by that.

I think marriage is work for everyone. It takes an effort to blend two lives together. Faith precedes the miracle~I wouldn't trade any of it for what we have learned and experienced. It has been our story. Not a perfect story but ours nonetheless. Conquering the challenges together with the help of the Lord is what it is all about!

Thanks for sharing your story!

Love, B

Heather said...

thank you for sharing the rest of your story. you will probably help many people by sharing your struggles and how turning to God saved your marriage and has rewarded you with a loving husband who is a great father and perfect partner for life.

Jess said...

Thanks Nellie, for the "rest of the story."
Rejoicing in the miracles God works in our lives!

A man and a woman, so different in motivation and gifting, joining together to complement each other...mirroring the union of Christ and His Church.

What a blessing!
What character development!
"Help us LORD to love our husbands
unconditionally and to be the helpers they need!

Jennifer said...

Nellie,

I loved reading your story...I guess I had missed part one but so glad I checked in today. So many do live in miserable marriages and think that's just how it has to be - what a testimony to how God can transform your marriage and how sweet being married truly can be!! Thanks for sharing - both parts of the story.

Jacquelyn said...

Dear Nellie, I'm so glad you shared "the rest of the story"! I'm sure you saw lots of similarities with our own story when you went back and rest my post. The success of our marriage in spite of US will always be one of my biggest thanksgivings to the Lord and testimony of His amazing grace!

My brother and sis-in-law are CMA also, in Stow, Oh. Dr. Don and Marcie Lichi...

Thanks so much for your comments over at my blog the other day. Isn't this technology such a blessing to like minded folks? Hope to visit with you more often!

God richest blessings on you and Jim and may He grant you many many more happy years together!